A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey.
He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all
around the place.
The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs
some sliced limes and eats
them, then jumps onto the pool table, grabs one of the billiard
balls,
sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement, somehow
swallows
it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey
just did?"
The guy says "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool
table-whole!"
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy, "he eats
everything
in sight, the little bastard.
Sorry. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his
drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate, then
leaves.
Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and has his monkey with
him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the
bar again.
While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a
maraschino cherry on
the bar.
He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it.
Then The monkey finds a peanut, and again sticks it up his butt,
pulls it out, and eats it.
The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did
now?" he asks.
"No, what?" replies the guy.
"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry and a peanut up
his butt, pulled it out, and ate it!" said the bartender.
Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. "He still eats
everything in sight, but Ever since he had to shit out that cue
ball, he measures everything first."
ouch 