Today's joke
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by Hejiro » Thu Aug 29, 2002 9:57 pm
Old Paddy Murphy took his wife to the hospital to have a baby. After waiting for a while in the waiting area, Paddy picked up the hospital house phone, called the doctor and said, "hello, this is Mr. Murphy.
What's the news on Mrs. Murphy?" The doctor answered, "You are the father of a fine baby boy, but hold on because it's not all over yet."
After about a half hour, Paddy called the doctor back and asked, "Hello, this is Mr. Murphy. What's the news on Mrs. Murphy?"
The doctor answered, "You're the father of twins, a boy and a girl, but hold on because it's not all over yet."
After another half hour, Paddy called back and asked,"Hello, this is Mr. Murphy, what's the news?" The doctor ansered, "You're the father of triplets -- two boys and a girl. It's not all over yet, but it's slowing down, so why don't you go get something to eat; I'll be here all night."
So Paddy went to a pub and got himself six shots of good Irish whiskey which he washed down with six pints of Guiness. He then went over to the phone, somewhat unsteadily, and called the doctor at the hospital -- or thought he did. Actually, he misdialed, and dialed the local cricket club.
When the person answered, Paddy asked,"Hello, this is Mr. Murphy, what's the news?"
The person replied, "All out for a hundred and one, and the last one out was a duck."
What's the news on Mrs. Murphy?" The doctor answered, "You are the father of a fine baby boy, but hold on because it's not all over yet."
After about a half hour, Paddy called the doctor back and asked, "Hello, this is Mr. Murphy. What's the news on Mrs. Murphy?"
The doctor answered, "You're the father of twins, a boy and a girl, but hold on because it's not all over yet."
After another half hour, Paddy called back and asked,"Hello, this is Mr. Murphy, what's the news?" The doctor ansered, "You're the father of triplets -- two boys and a girl. It's not all over yet, but it's slowing down, so why don't you go get something to eat; I'll be here all night."
So Paddy went to a pub and got himself six shots of good Irish whiskey which he washed down with six pints of Guiness. He then went over to the phone, somewhat unsteadily, and called the doctor at the hospital -- or thought he did. Actually, he misdialed, and dialed the local cricket club.
When the person answered, Paddy asked,"Hello, this is Mr. Murphy, what's the news?"
The person replied, "All out for a hundred and one, and the last one out was a duck."
- Hejiro
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by Hejiro » Sun Sep 01, 2002 5:13 pm
An Omni walking through the desert notices an old lamp lying among the rocks. He picks it up, rubs the dirt off of it and a genie comes out of the lamp. The genie tells the Omni he will grant him three wishes. The Omni says "Well first off, I'd like a bottle of XXX-Plumbo that never goes dry". "Done" says the genie, and the Omni is holding a bottle of XXX-Plumbo. The Omni promptly drinks it down and watches in delight as it magically fills back up. Again he drinks it down and watches it fill up. A third time he drinks it down, and by now the genie is becoming impatient. "So what do you want for your other two wishes"? askes the irritated genie. "Oh", replies the Omni. "Just give me another two bottles like this one".
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by Hejiro » Mon Sep 02, 2002 9:44 pm
hehe, I can just picture a drunk atrox being given those wishes from the genie
Murphy, O'Brien & Cassey sitting in a bar dicussing the words they would like to hear spoken over their coffins at their wakes.
Casey says, "I would like them to say 'He was a wonderful family man - he always supported his wife and kids, and they never wanted for anything'".
O'Brien says, "That's lovely Casey. But I would like to hear them say, 'He was a great man in the community - he undertook a lot of projects to make his community a better place.'"
Murphy says, "Thats's very nice, O'Brien. But I would like to hear them say, 'Look! He's moving!'"
Murphy, O'Brien & Cassey sitting in a bar dicussing the words they would like to hear spoken over their coffins at their wakes.
Casey says, "I would like them to say 'He was a wonderful family man - he always supported his wife and kids, and they never wanted for anything'".
O'Brien says, "That's lovely Casey. But I would like to hear them say, 'He was a great man in the community - he undertook a lot of projects to make his community a better place.'"
Murphy says, "Thats's very nice, O'Brien. But I would like to hear them say, 'Look! He's moving!'"
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by Coldraven » Wed Nov 06, 2002 1:02 pm
The Pope and the Queen of England are on the same stage at an Anglican and Catholic commemoration. The crowd is huge. Her Majesty and His Holiness can't help but have a little rivalry -- both being figureheads and all.
The Queen says to the Pope, "Did you know that with just one little wave of my hand, I can make every English person in the crowd go wild?" he doubts it, so she shows him. Sure enough, the royal-gloved wave elicits rapture and cheering from every Englishman in the crowd. Gradually, the cheering subsides.
The Pope, not wanting to be outdone by someone wearing a worse frock and hat than he, considers what he could do. So the Pope says to the Queen, "Your Majesty, that was impressive. But did you know that with one little wave of MY hand I can make every Irish person in the crowd go crazy with joy? Their joy will not be a momentary display like that of your subjects, but will go deep into their hearts, and they will speak forever of this.
The Queen seriously doubts this, and says so... "One little wave of your hand and all Irish people will rejoice forever? Show me."
So the Pope slapped her.
The Queen says to the Pope, "Did you know that with just one little wave of my hand, I can make every English person in the crowd go wild?" he doubts it, so she shows him. Sure enough, the royal-gloved wave elicits rapture and cheering from every Englishman in the crowd. Gradually, the cheering subsides.
The Pope, not wanting to be outdone by someone wearing a worse frock and hat than he, considers what he could do. So the Pope says to the Queen, "Your Majesty, that was impressive. But did you know that with one little wave of MY hand I can make every Irish person in the crowd go crazy with joy? Their joy will not be a momentary display like that of your subjects, but will go deep into their hearts, and they will speak forever of this.
The Queen seriously doubts this, and says so... "One little wave of your hand and all Irish people will rejoice forever? Show me."
So the Pope slapped her.
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Coldraven
Coldraven
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by Hejiro » Wed Nov 06, 2002 3:24 pm
haha 
I read a different version of this once where instead of waving his hand the Pope said "with a nod of his head"... and ended up head-butting the Queen 
It mentioned getting cheers from Australians too, ha (since technically we're part England's kingdom)
I read a different version of this once where instead of waving his hand the Pope said "with a nod of his head"... and ended up head-butting the Queen
It mentioned getting cheers from Australians too, ha (since technically we're part England's kingdom)
- Hejiro
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by Hejiro » Fri Nov 22, 2002 3:53 pm
While waiting for servers.....
A small boy accompanied his parents to a nudist colony. They all stripped off and went out into the garden.
The boy looked around with interest and then asked his father why "some men has big ones and some had small ones".
Dad couldn't be bothered with long explanations so he just said - "Those with the big ones are smart and those with the small ones are stupid."
The boy wandered off on his own for a while and then met his father again. "Have you seen your mother?" asked Dad.
"She's behind that bush over there," said the boy, "talking to a stupid man who's getting smarter by the minute."
A small boy accompanied his parents to a nudist colony. They all stripped off and went out into the garden.
The boy looked around with interest and then asked his father why "some men has big ones and some had small ones".
Dad couldn't be bothered with long explanations so he just said - "Those with the big ones are smart and those with the small ones are stupid."
The boy wandered off on his own for a while and then met his father again. "Have you seen your mother?" asked Dad.
"She's behind that bush over there," said the boy, "talking to a stupid man who's getting smarter by the minute."
- Hejiro
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by Hejiro » Mon Nov 25, 2002 9:49 pm
Actually this cracked me up too (from the Whisper's Edge forum)... naughty!
http://www.whispers-edge.com/Forum/phpB ... .php?t=586
http://www.whispers-edge.com/Forum/phpB ... .php?t=586
- Hejiro
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