Hehehe

[BigSwede]

A LONG TIME AGO ON A SERVER FAR, FAR AWAY

____

It is a dark time for the Carebears. Although the UP Star has been destroyed, Imperial troops have taken over the Guide program and systematically banned the carebears from every non PVP planet.

Evading the dreaded Imperial Dewdz, a group of freedom fighters led by Lewkk Skyhackrrr has been powerleveling on the remote iceworld of Hoth.

The evil lord xX_Anikin_Vayderr_Xx, obsessed with PKing the carebears and taking their lewt, has been sending out imperial probe droids to try and find the carebears...



Open on the planet Hoth. An imperial probe droid streaks through the air and lands on the surface.

A few meters away, Lewkk is riding his Tauntaun around in the snow when he gets a call over the comlink from Hann.

Hann: Dewd, wuz up? You gettin any lewt out there?

Lewkk: Dewdd, this expansion kind of roxxors, the Tauntauns rool, but there's nothin out here to hunt...

Hann: Dewd, I know, these snowspeeders are kewl, but they don't work good in the cold. Don't you think that's weird, for snowspeeders not to work in the cold?

Lewkk: I know dewd...something weird's going on. I'm gonna look for some spawnage and then come back. If there's nothing here, I'm gonna log and go play Dark Forces for a while.

Hann: Kewl Dewd.

Lewkk signs off. Suddenly a Wampa spawns in front of him and gives him a severe beating. Lewkk is dragged off to the wampa's cave.




Cut to the rebel base.

Hann: What do you mean it's broken? It was fine before I installed the new update.

Wacky: ROOAR

Hann: Dewd, I camped this ship for 3 months straight. I lost my job, my wife and my kid. THIS FREAKIN SUXXORS!!!!

Cloud_Squall: Sulu, has Lewkk come back? He said he was gonna take me out on my chocobo and powerlevel me!

Hann: Dewd, they're not freakin chocobos, ok? They're TAUNTAUNS. Get it?

Cloud_Squall: Dewd, why you dissin Final Fantasy? It roxxors dewd.

Hann: Shut up dewd. Go check the other entrance. He probably came in that way to hide from lamerz like you.

Chewie: ROOAR

Hann: Ok, Kewl, let me just go steal some gear from the armory. These dewds'll never miss it.

Hann sneaks down to the armory near the main control room. He shoves half a dozen snowspeeders and an ion cannon into his backpack.

General General_Raykeen: Sulu! What are you doing??

Hann: Dewd, I'm just borrowing this stuff. I've gotta pay off JEbay_The_Hutt.

General General_Raykeen: Dewd, it's your lame fault for getting mixed up with him in the first place. Now put that stuff back.

Hann: Lame? Who's lame, mister General General?

General General_Raykeen: Dewd, I didn't know you could earn titles in here!

Hann: Next time RTFM lozer.

Princiz Leah65 suddenly logs in.

Leah65: Doodz, wuzup?

Hann: Nothing, where were you at?

Leah65: Out having a LIFE? Ever hear of it?

Hann: Ohhh, think you're special just because you get up from the computer once a day.

Leah65: Don't you have something to do, like remodeling your house so your computer is in front of the toilet, so you don't even have to get up to do that?

Hann: Hah, Your Noobship, what do you think these empty pop bottles are for?

Leah65: You got problems dood.

Cloud_Squall walks in.

Cloud_Squall: has ne 1 seen Lewkk? I need to powerlevel

Hann: I told you to look at the rear entrance.

Cloud_Squall: Dewd, I did he's not there.

Hann: He's not? That goon! I bet he found some spawnage!! I'm gonna go group with him.

Cloud_Squall: Dewd!!! You can't go out there, your chocobo will freeze before you get out of the zone!

Hann: FOR THE LAST TIME!! IT'S NOT A CHOCOBO YOU IDIOT!!!!

Hann rides out of the base.

Cut to Lewkk, hanging upside down in the Wampa's cave. His lightsaber is on the ground nearby.

In the rear of the cave, the Wampa is macroing, but lewkk can see it's almost finished.

Lewkk clicks repeated on the lightsaber using his TK force power. Nothing happens.

Lewkk: Come on, what the freak is wrong with this thing?!?!?

Lewkk clicks several more times to no avail. The wampa finishes macroing and comes for him.

Lewkk clicks in one last desperate attempt, finally calling his LS to him. He attacks the Wampa, hitting it square in the chest. The wampa's arm falls off.

Lewkk: WHAT THE HECK?

The wampa continue to attack, so Lewkk runs away.

A few minutes later Lewkk is wandering the frozen wastes, looking for his Tauntaun, when the spirit of Ewan-Wan appears before him.

Ewan: Dewd, wassup?

Lewkk: Dewd, something's really wrong. There's no good spawns, my LS can't even kill a big polar bear thingie, and my force skills are all weakened. This expansion?s bugged, Dewd!

Ewan: No, it's not bugged...it's NERFED!

Lewkk: NOOOOOOO!! That's IMPOSSIBLE!!!

Ewan: It's true. The Live team has decided that certain professions, such as Jedi, Princess, Rebel, Droid, and Smuggler were overpowered, and they have been totally nerfed.
On the other hand, professions that were considered too weak, such as Imperial, Sith, Bounty Hunter, and Stormtrooper, were all given huge bonuses.

Lewkk: Dewd!!! That SUX! This isn't FAIR!!!

Ewan: Who said games were supposed to be fair Dewd?? They're supposed to be Dark and Realistic!

Lewkk: What the heck am I gonna do??? Ahh, forget it, I'm rerolling my character, dewd. I knew I shoulda been a bounty hunter.

Ewan: Don't dewd. There's a way out of this...you can get trained like your father did.

Lewkk: My father? Dewd, my father's a lawyer, wtf does he have to do with this?

Ewan: No, I mean your in game father. He was trained as Jedi knight, and strong in the ways of buffing and twinking was he.

Lewkk: Where is he now?

Ewan: He was BANNED! By the evil Vayderr.

Lewkk: Dewd, that suxx...I'd like to Ban Vayderr

Ewan: Then you must go to the Dagobah system. There you will be trained by Yodewd, the Jedi master that trained me.

Lewkk: I thought Qui-

Ewan: SHHHH

Lewkk: Ok, dewd, chill.

Ewan: Now, get to dagobah, I'll meet you there.

Lewkk: Laterz dewd.

Cut to the rebel base.

3peaoh: Dewd, where is everyone.

RRRtoo: Beep.

Leah65: That idiot went out there to steal Lewkk's kills.

3peaoh: That suxxors. Dewd, let's lock the doors and pretend we aren't home when they come in.

Leah65: lol, kewl.

3peaoh and Leah65 lock the base doors and hide inside the Falcon.

Leah65: Hey, 3peaoh, I always wanted to ask you something...

3peaoh: What?

Leah65: you know that Topps card.....




Cut to Lewkk wandering in the snow. Hann comes riding up.

Hann: Dewd, where's the spawnage.

Lewkk: Um, over in that cave...let's go get it.

Hann: Dewd, I'm all over it.

Hann and Lewkk run into the cave and are promptly killed by the one-armed wampa. They respawn back at the rebel base.

Lewkk: Dewd, that suxxored

Leah65 comes in.

Leah65: Where have you two been?

Hann: Pardon us your noobfulness. We were out camping.

Leah65: Stop calling me that! You're the ones that just had to respawn.

Hann: It's not my fault, the update's bugged.

Lewkk: It's not bugged dewd, it's nerfed!

Hann: NOOOOOO!! That's IMPOSSIBLE!!!

Leah65: Is that why that piece of junk ship won't work?

Hann: That ship is my life, don't dis it.

Leah65: Hah. Not that you'd need any nerfs, dweeb. You already suxxors as it is.

Hann: You know you want it, Ho.

Leah65: Yeah, riiiiight.

Leah65 give Lewkk a kiss. Then leaves.

Wacky: ROOAR

Hann: you want PKed?

Lewkk: Calm down Hann. You're just jealous cause I'm gettin some.

Hann: Dewd, that's it, I'm leaving.

Hann goes out into the snow. An imperial probe droid spawns in front of him. He fires on it and misses. The droid PKs him. Han respawns, runs outside and attacks the droid. It PKs him again. This goes on for half an hour until he finally wears the droid down.

Hann runs back into the base and warns the others.

Leah65: Dewdz, we gotta get out of here. With us nerfed the way we are, we can't do anything.

Hann: Kewl, let's go




Cut to Vayderr's ISD

A pair of troopers are looking at a display screen.

Trooperbob: Look, sir, droids.

Commander: You idiot, that's not a droid, it's a shield generator.

Vayderr comes up behind them.

Vayderr: What are you looking at?

Commander: It's nothing, sir.

Trooperbob: Look, sir, droids.

Commander: You goon!

Vayderr: Shut up, let me see.

Vayderr looks at the screen.

Vayderr: Dewdz, that's what we're looking for. What system is that?

Commander: ...second planet...Hoth system, Lord.

Vayderr claps TrooperBob on the back: Good work, trooper.

Vayderr leaves to order the ship into action. After he leaves, the commander repeatedly PKs Trooperbob.




Cut to the rebel base. Alarms are sounding.

Lewkk: Are we ready to fight them?

Hann: Dewd, I'm not fighting them. I got PKed like 20 times by that droid, plus the Falcon's still nerfed.

Lewkk: Ok, dewd, I'll get 'em for you.

Hann: Kewl dewd, I'm gonna go pay off JEbay, then go camp some Jawas or someting til my skillz get back up.

Lewkk: Laterz dewd.

Lewkk climbs into his snowspeeder, his gunner Pimp_Daddy_Dak climbs in behind him.

Lewkk: U ready Dak?

Dak: I'm a pimp dewd, I'm ready for anything.

Lewkk: Kewl. let's do this thing.

Lewkk and Dak, along with the rest of the snowspeeders take off.



Aboard the ISD Vayderr is sitting in his chambers. General Beers comes in and spies Vayderr with his helmet off. Vayderr tries to click on his own helmet in his inventory, but accidentally clicks on a Stormtrooper helmet he looted off a trooper he PKed. Vayderr, being in First Person view, fails to notice his mistake.

Vayderr: What is it, Beers?

Beers: Uh, dewd, we're ready to nail those carebears. They're alerted to our presence, though, Admiral The_Wizard_of_Ozzel thought we could surprise them by coming out of hyperspace really close the them.

Vayderr: That freakin Noob...what are you staring at, Beers?

Beers: Uh, nothing your lordship.

Vayderr: Good. Now get out.

Beers leaves and Vayderr calls up The_Wizard_of_Ozzel on the viewscreen. Unfortunately Ozzel can only see the stormtrooper helmet.

Ozzel: Hey, why are you on Vayderr's private channel, noob?

Vayderr: What are you talking about? Never mind.

Vayderr PKs Ozzel.

Vayderr: You screwed up dewd. Captain Peanut?

Peanut: Yeah dewd?

Vayderr: You're the big dawg now. Don't screw it up, Admiral Peanut.

Peanut: Dewd, if I'm admiral can I get some new lewt-

Vayderr: Shut up and just do it.

Peanut: Ok, but I want my own ISD later.




Back in the rebel base, the escape is underway.

Leah65: Ok dewdz, listen up. I'm gettin out of here, it's every man for himself, if you die, we'll meet up at the respawn point on dantooine!

The rebels begin a mad dash for their ships.

General General_Raykeen: Hey, babe you want to ride in my ship? If you're real nice, I'll let you drive it.

Leah65: Put your hormones back in your pants dewd.

General General_Raykeen: Ok, then find your own ride.

He rushes out leaving leah65 on her own. She runs for the docking bay but everyone has already taken off and left her behind. Suddenly Hann spawns behind her.

Hann: Friggin ISP. Hey, what are you still doing here?

Leah65: I need a ride! plz plz plz?

Hann: How much lewt you got to trade?

Leah65: I'll trade you something later, just plz lets get out of here.

Hann: well-

Suddenly the Falcon's engines roar to life and Hann looks up to see 3peaoh in the cockpit with Wacky.

Hann: HEY GET OUTTA MY SHIP!!

Leia65: Calm down!

The falcon starts to take off, Hann runs for the ship.

Hann: I don't have time to discuss this with a newbie!

Leah65: I AM NOT A NEWBIE!!

Hann and Leah65 just manage to catch the ship as it takes off.

Hann: What the heck are you thinking, trying to leave us behind.

Wacky: ROOAR

Hann: I went LD Dewd, it wasn't my fault!




Cut to the ice plains outside the base. Imperial Walkers are converging on the base. Snowspeeders are leaving the base to engage them.

Lewkk flies by one and Dak fires. The walkers don't seem to suffer any damage.

Lewkk: I think the speeders have been nerfed too. Hey, I always wante to try that tow cable thing, and since the rest of the weapons are nerfed, might as well try it now.

Pimp_Daddy_Dak: Letz do it dewd.

Lewkk flies towards the walker's leg, but a sudden packet of lag causes him to get hit by the walker's weapons. The speeder crashes to the ground.

Lewkk: Dewd, u alright?

Dak doesn't answer. Lewkk sees a walker headed for the speeder.

Lewkk climbs out of the speeder, then climbs back to the gunner's seat and loots Dak's corpse. He dives out of the way just before the walker crushes the speeder.

Lewkk looks up and sees Red_Leader_Maul's speeder using the tow cable maneuver on a walker. He contacts him via the comlink.

Lewkk: U stole my idea.

Red_Leader_Maul: Dewd, bite me.

Lewkk: Stealer. I'll get u. U won't even c me coming.

Red_Leader_Maul: Any time dewd.

Lewkk: But right now I'm gonna kill one of these critters and see what they drop.

Lewkk fires a cable and climbs up to the walker's entry hatch, cuts it open with his LS ad tosses in a grenade.

Lewkk: Now, which one of these was the hotkey to detach the cable?

Lewkk tries several hotkeys but can't find the right one. He does however manage to perform 12 different emotes, remove his pants, and drop half his inventory on the ground below.

The greande goes off, destroying the walker, and blowing Lewkk all the way back to the bacta tank in the base.

Lewkk: Crud. I gotta get out of here.



Cut to the Falcon. Hann has managed to force 3peaoh out of the driver's seat. Out of the cockpit window we see the front doors blow open. Vayderr and dozens of snowtrooper burst in.

Hann: Hey, who's Darth_Stormtrooper over there?

Hann points to vayderrr, who is still wearing the stormtrooper helmet.

Leah65: I dunno, must be some kind of new "Supertrooper" in the new expansion. Blast it and see what it drops.

Hann tries to kill the "Supertrooper" but can't hit it.

3peaoh: Dewd, forget it. It's like 2 to 1 odds or something that you'll hit it.

Hann follows his advice and takes off.

Cut to the rear of the base.

Lewkk races for his X-Wing. When he gets there RRRtoo is already in it. RRRtoo has managed to land the X-Wing on its back, and is opening and closing the S foils in an attempt to make a Snow Angel.

Lewkk: Quit messin around dewd, we gotta get out of here.

Behind him, the falcon streaks off into the sky, half a dozen stormtroopers hanging from its landing gear.

Lewkk climbs into his ship and takes off. Once in space he buzzes Hann on the comlink.

Lewkk: Dewd, u ok?

Hann: Yeah dewd. I got her noobfulness with me...I'm goin to see if I can sell her to JEbay.

Leah65: Shut up, geek. Try taking a shower today, maybe it'll improve your disposition.

Hann: I can't. I didn't pay the water bill and they shut it off.

Lewkk: I'll meet you guys later.

Hann: Ok dewd

RRRtoo: Beep.

Lewkk: No way, I'm not hooking up with those lozers. We're going to Dagobah to get twinked and buffed, dewd.

Lewkk takes off for Dagobah.




The falcon tries to head for Tattoine, flying right between a pair of ISDs.

Hann: Ok, letz get out of here.

He tries to activate the hyperdrive, but nothing happens.

Hann: AAAAAHHH THEY NERFED THE HYPERDRIVE!!

Leah65: Dewd, we gotta get out of here, do something.

Hann: Oh sure, now you want my help. Say "Hann, you rool." and maybe I'll help u.

Leah65: No way dewd.

3peaoh: Just say it!!

Wacky: ROOAR

Leah65: Fine! Hann you Rool. There, satisfied?

Hann: Sat "Hann I want your bod"

Leah65: DEWD JUST GET US OUT OF HERE B4 I PK U!!

Hann: Woah calm down. Fine, fine.

Hann flies the ship into an asteroid field.

Leah65: OMG, you are such a lozer. Just because I wouldn't say I wanted you, you're gonna kill us all.

Hann: Shut up, I know what I?m doing.

3peaoh: Dude, we got like a 10 to 1 chance of being killed in here.

Hann: Never tell me the odds, noob.

Han flies in and out of the asteroids.

Hann: I knew all those years of Microsoft flight sim would come in handy.




Cut to Vayderr's ISD.

Vayderr: Why does everyone keep staring at me? Cut it out!

Peanut: Dewd, the noobs just flew into an asteroid field.

Vayderr: Follow them

Peanut: What?

Vayderr: READ MY LIPS!! FOLLOW THEM IN!!

Peanut: What?

Vayderr starts to force choke peanut.

Vayderr: Say what again! Say what one more time!! I dare you!! I double dare you!!

Peanut: Ok dewd ok.

Peanut flies the ISD into the asteroid field.

The ISD and TIEs chase the falcon through the asteroids for several minutes. Finally the falcon gets a lead.

Hann: Wacky, go closer into one of the big ones.

Leah65: You must be as stupid as you look.

Hann: No way, I got a plan.

Wacky pilots the ship near an asteroid, and it flies into a small cave.



Cut to the ISD.

Peanut comes up to Vayderr.

Peanut: Dewd, the Emperor called. He wants you to call him back.

Vayderr: Why didn't he just use the comlink?

Peanut: He said he's at school, and the elementary school still has 14.4 modems. The asteroids cause too much lag, even over the comlink.

Vayderr: Ok, get out of here.

Peanut: Good deal.

Vayderr makes his way to the communications room and contacts the Emperor.

A hologram of the Emperor appears before him.

Vayderr: Yes? I'm kind of busy.

Emperor: I'll tell you what you are and aren't, dewd-- Hey, why the heck are you wearing a stormtrooper hemet???

Vayderr: What??

Vayderr switches to 3rd person view.

Vayderr: ARRRGGGHHH!!! I HATE FIRST PERSON VIEW. I've been walking around half the movie looking like an idiot!

Emperor: Nevermind. Listen up, my teacher's gonna get back in a minute, I gotta hurry.

Vayderr: Yes, my Lord.

Emperor: Did you kill that carebear Lewkk?

Vayderr: I think maybe we should get him to join our club, dewd.

Emperor: What did you just say?

Vayderr: I said we should get get him to join the....oops.

Emperor: Now I'm gonna have to remind you of the rules.

Vayderr: Please don't, not again.

Emperor: The first rule of Sith club is: You don't talk about sith club
The second rule of Sith club is: YOU DON'T TALK ABOUT SITH CLUB!!!
The third rule of sith club is: Kill all Merchants.
The fourth rule is: only TWO sith at a time.
The fifth rule is: Never trade first
The sixth rule is: No disintegration
The seventh rule is: If this is your first day in Sith club, you have to PK a newbie.
Understand??

Vayderr: Yes

Emperor: Good. I want to PK that noob myself. Bring him to me.

Vayderr: Yes, my lord.

Emperor: Ok, I gotta go, it's time for recess.

The Emperor logs off



Open on Lewkk's X-Wing flying over Dagobah.

Lewkk: RRRtoo, I'm getting massive life form readings...there's something alive down there.

RRRtoo: Beep.

Lewkk: Well, just set the X-wing as your bind point.

Lewkk cruises down into the atmosphere. Fog covers the place, and Lewkk is blinded. Suddenly another X-wing cuts across his field of vision, almost crashing into him.

Lewkk: That was close. I thought this place was supposed to be deserted.

RRRtoo: Beep

Lewkk cruises down to the surface. He spots a pile of crashed X-wings in a small pond and lands on top of them. Then he climbs out and peers into the swamp. There is a line of people stretching for hundreds of miles into the swamp. He quickly scans the names of the people in line; xXKypXx, ~Coran~, *CorrnHorn*, %KeiranCornHorn%, Coran_Is_God, I_Jedi_Corran, Kyller_Kyp, Corran_Roxxors....

Lewkk calls out to the guy at the end of the line.

Lewkk: Hey, what's the line for?

MastaJedeye: You noob, this is the line for Yodewd. You better get in while the gettin's good.

Lewkk: I'm not a newbie! Be careful or I'll PK your butt all the way to Coruscant.

Behind Lewkk another X-wing lands on top of his, then another.

Lewkk: Hey! Get offa my ship!

MastaJedeye: Dewd, don't worry about it, you won't need it, you'll be in this line forever.

Lewkk goes and gets into the line.

Lewkk: This freakin suxxors dewd.

MastaJedeye: Yeah Dewd. I'm thinkin about bein a bounty hunter. I hate this waitin around junk.

Lewkk: Dewd, I always wanted to be a bounty hunter. But Ewan said I could get twinked and buffed by Yodewd and kill Vayderr. Then Jedi wouldn't be nerfed anymore.

MastaJedi: Dewd, let's take cuts. I heard there's a secret way in through the back. I didn't have anyone to hold my place in line though, so I didn't want to do it. But you can have your droid keep our place.

Lewkk: Kewl dewd. Let's ditch these lozers.

Lewkk and MastaJedi sneak off into the swamp to find the secret entrance to Yodewd?s hut.

Cut to the Falcon, hiding in an asteroid cave.

Hann: We gotta figure out something to do here, or we're gonna get PKed before we ever get a chance to get un-nerfed.

Leah65: Well, it's your ship...so fix it.

Hann: Maybe we can try to make a working hyperdrive out of the parts they didn't nerf...

3peaoh: Dewd, I was just reading at the SWVault...the only part of the falcon they didn't nerf is the holochess set.

Wacky: ROOAR

Hann: Beautiful! Great idea Wacky. Take the chessmaster here into the back and get started.

Wacky and 3peaoh retreat to the rear of the ship.

Leah65: Do you really think that's going to work?

Hann: Better than nothing. Hey, let's u n me get to know each other.

Leah65: Forget it, no way. I'm not that desperate.

Hann: Come on, you know u like me.

Leah65: Well, maybe I did a little...but you're a...

Hann: A what?

Leah65: A...a...JEbay farmer!!

Hann: A JEbay farmer? Hey, I like the sound of that!

Leah65: But it's so...slimy...

Hann: Tell you what, give me a kiss, and I'll get you your own ISD from JEbay when I get rich.

Leah65: Rilly? Kewl.

Hann and Leah65 kiss.

3peaoh comes barging in.

3peaoh: Woah!! Hann and Leah65 sittin in a tree...

Hann: What do u want?

3peaoh: Wacky says we're ready to go. Oh, and something?s spawning outside the ship.

Hann: Well, let's go see what it drops.

Hann, Leah65 and Wackytabaccy all get out of the ship. They creep around, spy some minocs and blast them. Wacky loots the corpses.

Hann: They got ne good loot?

Wacky: ROOAR

Hann: Figures. Oh well, let's go.

Suddenly the ground shakes beneath them.

Hann: Uh oh, run!

They all run back into the ship.

Leah65: This had better work!

Hann and Wacky run to the front while 3peaoh runs down to the engine compartment. He and Wacky have hooked up an exercise wheel to the hyperdrive, and standing in the wheel are all the holochess dudes.

3peaoh: Ok, run chess dewds!

PointyHeadChessDewd: Man, this job suxxors

BurlyChessDewd: Just run, he said we'd get a cookie.

The chess dewds start running, making the wheel spin and sending power to the Falcon which takes off and flies out of the cave, just narrowly missing being eaten by the gigantic cave monster that they were really inside.



Cut to the bridge of Vayderr's ISD. Vayderr and several imperials and troopers are standing about.

Lined up along the bridge are 6 figures, all dressed in identical Mandalorian Armor. They are: Bozo_Fett, Darth_Fett, Bobo_Feet, Phat_Daddy_Bobba, The_Master_Fettster, and Bobba_Phett99.

TrooperBob: Look, sir, Droids.

Commander slaps Bob in the back of the head.

Commander: Those aren't droids, you idiot, they're bounty hunters.

Vayderr: Alright, dewdz. I want you to capture Sulu and the Rest of them. And remember No Disintegration.

All the bounty hunters in unison: As you wish.

Cut to Dagobah. Lewkk and MastaJedeye are searching the swamp for the secret entrance to Yodewd's hut.

Lewkk: Are you sure it's back this way, Dewd.

MastaJedeye: Yah dewd, I read it at SWStratics in the "How to be a Jedi" Guide.

Lewkk and MastaJedeye keep searching. Several hours later they still haven't found it.

Lewkk: Forget it, this freakin suxxors. I'm rerolling!

MastaJedeye: Dewd, don't be a Wuss.

Lewkk: That's it Dewd. I'm PKing you for dragging me back here.

Lewkk draws his saber.

MastaJedeye: ahh, I cannot twink him.

Ewan-Wan: Chill Yodewd, he's cool.

Lewkk: Ewan?? Yodewd? Ewan, I can be a Jedi, tell him! I got MAD Jedi Skillz!!

Yodewd: mad skillz have you, hah! A long time have I watched this one, always looking for the lewt was he. Never his mind on using his buffs, never appreciating his twinks.

Ewan: Dewd, that's how I used to be. Before I got PKed and turned into a ghost at least.

Ewan's ghost appears.

Lewkk: Yodewd, come on plz plz plz?!? Make me a Jedi!!

Yodewd: Too much of a newb is he. Yes, too much of a newbie. Back you will come when you're all grown up.

Lewkk: But I can be a Jedi! Dewd, I can make it, I ain't afraid of nothin!

Yodewd: u will b, u will b.




Cut to the Falcon, racing out of the asteroid field, heading for the ISD.

Peanut: They're gonna ram us...what a moron!

The Falcom heads towards the ISD, then suddenly disappears. A few minutes later the ISD takes off. The Falcon then logs back on.

Hann: Told ya it'd work.

Leah65: U got lucky. Hey, wanna make out?

Hann: Later babe. We gotta find somewhere to go...hmm...

Hann: I'm reading my strategy guide...this is kewl...Landus.

Leah65: Landus? What kinda name is that?

Hann: It's a dewd I used to know on EQ. You'll like him, he's a JEbay farmer too.

Leah65: Kewl, is he cute?

Hann: Hey, I'm a guy, how would I know?

The falcon takes off, powered by the holochess men, to go see Landus.

As they do, another ship, the o0-Slayve~4654-0o logs in. Piloted by Bozo_Fett. It takes off after the Falcon.



Open on Dagobah. Lewwk is running through the swamp with Yodewd on his back.

Yodewd: Run Lewkk Run! A Jedi's strength flows from his buffs. But beware...in time, off will they wear.

Lewkk: Am I helpless without my buffs?

Yodewd: No...only when fighting any creatures worth your time will you need buffs. To kill weak creatures that give you no XP, buffs you will not need.

Lewkk: How do I know when my buffs have worn off.

Yodewd: When you are fighting a strong critter, and find yourself suddenly at your bind point, you will know your buffs have worn off, and PKed have been you.

Lewkk: But why...

Yodewd: No, there is no why. No more questions. Your head you will empty. Difficult for you that will not be.

Lewkk sits down.

Lewkk: There's something not right here...I'm getting a bunch of lag.

Yodewd points at an area in the swamp.

Yodewd: The power of the PKers is strong there.

Lewkk gets up to go investigate.

Yodewd: Your lewt, you will not need it.

Lewkk: Yeah, right, you think I'm gonna leave my lewt here with you?

Yodewd: Say I did not try, you cannot

Lewkk goes off into the swamp. As he walks along, he suddenly falls into a hole.

Lewkk: Hey!

Lewkk spends several minutes trying to get out of the hole, to no avail. Finally, in desperation, he pages a guide. As the Empire has taken over the guide program, it is Vayderr that answers the call.

Vayderr: Ahh, Skywalker. Looks like you're in a hole. Sux 2 be u.

Lewkk: Come on dewd, I can't get out.

Vayderr: I'll be right there.

Vayderr appears in the hole next to Lewkk.

Lewkk tries to resist the temptation of Vayderr's paht lewt, but can not.

Lewkk: Sorry dewd, but I need your Lewt!

Lewkk whips out his lightsaber and PKs Vayderr.

Lewkk calls Vayderr on the comlink

Lewkk: I 0wned joo Noob.

Vayderr: You idiot, all my lewt is no drop.

Yodewd appears at the edge of the hole.

Yodewd: Failed you have. Given into the temptation for Phat Lewt have you.

Yodewd lifts Lewkk out of the hole.

Yodewd: For your failure, your butt I will kick.

Yodewd PKs Lewkk.




Cut to the Falcon cruising into cloud city.

Hann: Dewdz, let us land.

A cloud car cruises by, driven by 2 male chiss.

BespinThrawn: Pull it over to Landing platform 327 noob.

Hann lands.

At the far end of the platform, the doors open, and out walks Landus_Maximus, followed by several Bespin guards and Gobot.

Hann: Hey...Landus...Maximus?

Landus: Dewd, Gladiator Roxxors! I am Landus Maximus, and I shall have my revenge in this lifetime or the next!!

Landus draws a blaster and PKs Hann, who respawns on the falcon and comes back out.

Hann: You stinkin Noob, do you know how many times I been killed already today??

Landus: Dewd, take a pill. Who's the hottie!

Landus goes over to Leah65 and begins doing the *kiss* emote in her direction.

Leah65: Cut it out noob!

Landus: Ahh forget it. Hey,come in and take a look at my place.

They go into the city.

Hann: Dewd, how'd you get a place like this?

Landus: I sold all my stuff from EQ to JEbay the Hutt, then bought this place from him.

Hann: Dewd, I've been playing for like a movie and a half.

Landus: I've been playing for about 15 minutes. Oh well, come on, I got a room all picked out for you.

As they walk by, a door opens up and a protocol droid, Sea3peaohbaby steps out in front of 3peaoh.

3peaoh: Dewd, wuzup?

Ohbaby: E Chu ta

3peaoh: Dewd, I know what that means. I can PK you, dewd.

Ohbaby shoves 3peaoh into the room he just came out of and runs away.

3peaoh turns around and spots 2 familiar figures

TrooperBob: Look, sir, Droids.

the Commander blows 3peaoh right out of his metal coverings.

Commander: For once you were right, now let's get rid of this thing.




Open on Dagobah Lewkk is standing his hands with Yodewd on his leg.

Yodewd: Now, your strength will you buff

Luke concentrates and then switches to standing on one hand.

Yodewd: Good, good. Buffed must you be to fight Vayderr, for he will be twinked by the Emperor.

Sudenly six X-Wings land on the pile in the pond.

Lewkk falls over.

Lewkk: STOOPID NEWBIES! Now I'll never get out of here.

Yodewd: Use the force, dewd.

Lewkk: Will that work?

Yodewd shrugs. Lewkk concentrates, and manages to move one of the X-wings off the pile.

Yodewd: Roxxors do you.

Lewkk tries to move another but fails.

Lewkk: Dewd, no way, they're too big.

Yodewd: Size matters not.

Lewkk: She just said that to make you feel better, dewd.

Yodewd: Twit. Back you will stand, and the master you will watch.

Lewkk steps back as Yodewd begins to fling X-Wings off the pile. The Jedi wannabe's in the line start shouting and run for Yodewd.

xKyp_Dewdx: DEWD! TRAIN ME!! PLZ PLZ PLZ!

~Crn-Horn~: HELP ME B A JEDI!!!!! DEWD COME ON!!!

Yodewd: Run, hide we must!

Lewkk grabs his X-Wing, shoves it in his back pack and follows Yodewd into the swamp to hide.

Cut to Cloud City. Hann Leah65 and Wacky are looking at a box filled with broken parts of 3peaoh.

Hann: Can u fix it?

Wacky: ROOAR

Leah65: Dewd, leave him, he was gettin on my nerves anyhow.

Landus_Maximus enters.

Landus: Dewd...who trashed your droid?

Hann: Don't worry about it dewd. Have your guys fixed my ship yet?

Landus: Dewd, they're almost done. Let's get some chow while we wait.

Leah65: Kewl, lets go.

They follow Landus through the halls.

Hann: So, why did u quit EQ Landus?

Landus: Dewd, it suxxored. I wanted to be the best JEbay farmer ever, but there was too much competition.

Hann: Well, with me around, you're still not gonna be the best.

Landus: Dewd, I got that action covered.

Landus opens the door. Inside are Vayderr and Bozo_Feet and a dozen stormtroopers. Hann draws and fires but Vayderr blocks his shots. Hann's gun disappears.

Hann: Dewd, he nerfed my blaster!!

Vayderr: Wassup dewdz?

Landus: Sux 2 b u dewd.

Trooperbob: Look, sir, droids.




Cut to dagobah

Lewkk: Yo Yodewd...I just got a call from Hann on my comlink...he said he's camping Vayderr and I should come and join in the fun.

Yodewd: A trick it is. Your training must you complete.

Ewan: Dewd, he's right, don't go for the lewt.

Lewkk: Dewd...I'm not going for the lewt...I swear...I'm just gonna go group with them for XP, I swear.

Yodewd: Once you start down the path of phat lewt, forever will it dominate your destiny.

Lewkk unpacks his X-Wing and he and RRRtoo climb in.

Lewkk: I'll be back laterz dewd.

Ewan: Lewkk, if you go now, I can't twink you.

Lewkk: Dewd, I got all my buffs, I'm kewl.

Yodewd: Mind you your buffs, save you they can!

Lewkk takes off.

Ewan: Dewd, that suxxors. If he dies, we'll be nerfed forever.

Yodewd: No...he will respawn.





Cut to cloud city.

Landus, Vayderr, Bozo_Fett, Commander and Trooperbob are standing around.

Landus: Dewd, can I get a kewl helmet like the rest of you guys got?

Vayderr: Shut up noob. Make sure you keep the princess and the wookie here after I leave.

Landus: Kewl dewd, like my own personal slaves?

Vayderr: Whatever. Is the carbonite chamber ready?

Landus: Its all set dewd, JEbay's men delivered it this morning.

Landus: It might kill him, tho.

Vayderr: I can't have him respawning..we'll try it on Sulu first.

Bozo: If Sulu respawns, how am I supposed to get him to JEbay?

Vayderr: Dewd, if he dies, I'll give you a lightsaber, deal?

Bozo: Kewl. can I join sith club then?

Landus: What's sith club?

Vayderr: You idiot!!

Vayderr PKs Bozo.

Vayderr: Landus, go get Sulu, and have your men watch for that noob Lewkk.

Landus: No problemo.




Open on the cloud city detention block.

Leah65 and Wacky are in the cell.

Wacky: ROOAR

Leah65: Well, I don't know, I think this is his arm...no, wait, that's a leg...

Wacky sticks 3peaoh's head back on his body.

3peaoh: Dewd! There's stormtroopers here! Hey, wtf??? Dewd, what did u do 2 me?? I'm all nerfed and stuff.

Wacky: ROOAR

3peaoh: Dewd, I don't care, just put me back together idiot!

Wacky shoves the half finished droid into his backpack. 3peaoh's head is left sticking out a little bit.

3peaoh: Dewd, why u got all this stuff in here...hey, where'd u get this imperial walker? These things roxxor dewd.

The door opens and Landus and some guards drag Hann in.

Leah65: Dewd! Wat did u do 2 him?? What are u going 2 do 2 us?

Landus: U and wacky r going to stay here and be my slaves, Kewl huh?

Leah65: No freaking way, I'm logging!

Landus: If u log, u'll b banned. Vayderr told me so, so ha!

Leah65: That suxxors.

Landus: Besides, Vayderr doesn't even want you, he's after some Lewkk dood.

Hann: Lewkk? What's he want with that noob?

Landus: Vayderr's supposed to take him to the Emperor...

Leah65: NO WAY! Why does Lewkk get to go camp the Emperor?? That's no fair, everyone always wants to twink Lewkk...it's always Lewkk, lewkk, lewkk!

Landus: Oh well, it's not my problem. Plus Vayderr said if I helped, he might give me a kewl helmet like the rest of his guys have. He's gonna try out the carbon freezer on Hann first tho.

Hann: That's it dewd, let's throw down.

Hann tries to attack Landus but the guards PK him. He respawns across the cell.

Landus: Sux to you dewd...Cya L8tr Leah...

Landus leaves.

Hann: Dewd, this sux.

Leah65: I know dewd...wanna make out?




Cut to outside Coud city. Lewkk is flying his X-Wing towards a landing platform. A Cloud car cruises by.

RRRtoo: Beep.

Lewkk: No, Dewd, I don't want to see what it drops...I'm resisting the phat lewt.

Cut to the Carbon Chamber. Hann is tied up and on the platform.

Vayderr: Ok everyone ready?

Landus: Yeah dewd, let's do it.

Wacky suddenly tries to break free. He knocks several troopers down and sends one flying over the edge.

Bozo raises his gun to fire, but Vayderr stops him.

Vayderr: Dewd, you'll hit 3peaoh, do you know how long it took me to-

3peaoh: Dewd! Is that you? Dewd, come on, help us Master An-

Vayderr uses the force to turn 3peaoh off.

Hann: Wacky, dewd, forget it, you'll just get PKed...

Wacky: ROOAR

Hann: Dewd, I don't care about me, just give my ship to my mule after this!

Leah65: Can we get this done some time today, plz?

Vayderr: Ok...Startin upa the carbona freeza!

Hann begins to descend into the chamber

Leah65: Dewd, don't forget, u still owe me an ISD!

Hann: I know.

Hann gets lowered into the chamber and Landus fires it up. A minute later he comes out encased in carbonite.

3peaoh: Dewd! He looks just like a big popsicle.

Leah65: LOL Kewl, trekkie on a stick.

Leah65 leans down over Hann.

Vayderr: Dewd, you can't loot him, he's not a corpse.

Leah65: Oh, that suxxors.

Bozo: I gotta get goin dewd, JEbay keeps PMing me. and my mom needs the phone.

Vayderr: Ok. You two troopers take the popsicle here to Bozo's ship. Landus, bring the girl to my ship. Do whatever you want with the wookie.

Landus: Dewd! I was supposed to get the chick.

Vayderr: You idiot, don't u know the bad boys always get the chicks? And I'm way badder than you.

Landus: You suxxors.

Vayderr force chokes Landus.

Vayderr: Listen, you JEbay buying noob. Do what I tell you or I'm gonna PK you all the way back to EQ, understand?

Landus: Dewd, it's kewl, I was just kiddin.

The troopers and Bozo take Hann away, and Lands' group follows them out of the chamber. As they travel down the hall, several shots fire out from behind a corner.

Lewkk: Ok, you're all surrounded! Throw out your weapons.

A hail of blaster fire descends on Lewkk's position.

Lewkk: Well, got any other bright ideas?

RRRtoo: Beep.

Landus' group and Bozo's group split up. Lewkk chases Landus' group down the hall.

Lewkk: Hey, bring my GF back here dewd!

Lewkk starts to chase, but then remembers to stop and buff. 30 minutes later, he finishes, and races to catch up with the others.

The other group has almost reached Vayderr's ship.

Landus looks at Leah65

Landus: Did u rilly go out with that geek? What's wrong with me then??

Leah65: That was b4 I met Hann. Well, not really, but it was b4 I liked Hann.

Landus: Well, now you can like me too, plz plz plz. U r such a hottie!

Leah65: well, maybe if we get out of this...

Down the hall, Lewkk has gotten lost.

Lewkk: These stoopid walls all look the same.

Lewkk gets into the elevator and takes it up. He gets off at the carbon chamber a few moments later.

Vayderr is standing there...Lewkk approaches slowly and ignites his saber. Vayderr doesn't respond.

Lewkk: Yo, was up?? U there?

Vayderr's saber suddenly comes to life.

Vayderr: Woah, dewd, sorry. Was afk.

Lewkk: Kewl. U want to duel?

Vayderr: Dewd, let's not fight. How about u come meet the Emperor, and u can join sith club.

Lewkk: What?s sith club.

Vayderr: Well, u get powerleveled, and u get lots of phat lewt. Plus we go on hunts together.

Lewkk: Where u hunt at?

Vayderr: Where the newbies spawn, or the newbie hunting areas.

Lewkk: Don't u like a challenge?

Vayderr: No way dewd, I like to kill, but I don't, you know, want to like die!

Lewkk: Well, I'm not going for phat lewt anymore.

Vayderr: U don't like our guild? Well, then its PK time for u.

Vayderr and Lewkk start to fight. Vayderr forces Lewkk backwards, and he falls into the chamber.

Vayderr: I 0wned joo noob.

Vayderr activates the chamber. Gas pours out of it. He looks in but it's empty. He turns around and looks for Lewkk.

Inside the chamber, Lewkk logs back on, then climbs out. He hit Vayderr from behind with his LS.

Vayderr: Dewd!! You cheat!

Lewkk: Dang dewd, how many HPs u got? U should be dead.

Vayderr: Dewd, I'm so buffed, u can't even come close to hurting me. Say hello to your bind point for me.

Vayderr leaps at Lewkk, but suddenly lags. Lewkk gets out of the way and Vayderr goes flying over the edge.

Lewkk: That suxxors, now I gotta go all the way down there to lewt his corpse.




Cut to Landus' group.

Landus stops suddenly. His guards and the imperials look at him. Gobot sneaks up behind them.

Landus kneels down and wipes up some dirt off the floor and rubs it in his hands.

Imperial: What r u doing?

Landus: I am Landus_Maximus, and I shall have my revenge in this lifetime or the next!

Gobot: Go go gobots!!

Landus and his guards PK the imperials.

Landus: Will u be my GF now?

Wacky PKs Landus.

Leah65: Idiot! now how r we supposed to get out of here??

3peaoh: I just called Landus on the comlink. He told us to meet him at Bozo's ship.

Leah65: Ok kewl.

They run down the hall. RRRtoo whells up behind them

3peaoh: Dude! Where u been?

RRRtoo: Beep.

3peaoh: Dewd, u think u got it bad, look at me! I gotta ride around in this backpack with like 30 Jawa heads!

Wacky: ROOAR

3peaoh: I don't care how many credits they sell for, they freakin stink, dewd!



Cut to the interior of cloud city. Lewkk is looking for Vayderr's corpse.

Vayderr steps out from beind Lewkk and swings. Lewkk ducks and rolls away.

Lewkk: U missed Lozer.

Lewkk suddenly starts to feel strange.

Lewkk: Oh crud, my buffs just wore off!

Suddenly Lewkk is smacked in the back of the head by a crate.

Lewkk: Dewd, no, wait, let me buff dewd!! Dewd, I got no buffs!!!!

Vayderr: O well Noob.

Vayderr picks up a box with the force and smashes it into Lewkk, sending him out the window.

Vayderr jumps out after him, where Lewkk is waiting. They fight for several minutes. Then Vayderr cuts off Lewk's Hand.

Lewkk: DEWD!!! You scumbag!! That was my freakin HAND!!!

Vayderr: Now, join me or die!

Lewkk: No way dewd, I'd rather be a JEbay farmer than join your stupid sith club.

Lewkk crawls out as far as he can on the platform.

Vayderr: Dewd, Ewan-Wan never told you what happened to your father, did he?

Lewkk: He told me enough, he told me you banned him!!

Vayderr: No, Yodewd is your father!!!!

Lewkk: NOOOOO!! THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!! That slimy little green-

Vayderr: LOL, Dewd, no, I was just messin with ya. Actually dewd, I am your father!!!

Lewkk: Dewd, I don't care, you cut off my freakin hand MAN!!!! MY FREAKIN HAND!!!! Thanks a lot DAD!!!!

Vayderr: Lewkk, you don?t know the power of the phat lewt. Join me, and together we'll destroy the emporer and loot his corpse.

Lewkk: No way DAD! I'll never join u!!

Lewkk jumps off the platform.

Lewk: Cyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa



Cut to the landing platform where Bozo is loading
Hann onto his ship.

Bozo: I don't care, just jam him in there anywhere.

Bozo gets onboard and fires up the engines. The door to the platform opens and Leah65, Landus, Wacky and RRRtoo come out, firing at the ship. Bozo gives them the "Bird" emote and takes off.

Landus: Dewds, lets get to the Falcon, we can still catch them.

The group races for the falcon.


Cut to the bottom of the air shaft.

Lewkk is wandering down the tube, when the floor opens underneath him, dropping him down to the weather vane.

Lewkk: Ok, that's it, I've had it. As soon as I get out of here, I'm selling this account to JEbay and going to play the freaking Barney MMORPG.



Cut to the falcon, taking off.

Leah65: Wait, I just got a call from Lewkk on the comlink, fly under the city.

Landus: No way, I'm gettin out of here. U know how much we can sell this ship to Jebay for?

Wacky: ROOAR

Landus: Ok, dewd, chill.

The ship flies under the city. Lewkk drops on top of it, then walks around to the entry ramp and gets in.

Lewkk: Let's get out of here.

Cut to Vayderr's ISD.

Vayderr: Peanut, you broke the hyperdrive for the falcon, right?

Peanut: Yeah dewd, check it out...

Peanut opens his bag, inside are all the holochess guys.

PointyHeadChessGuy: Dewd, where's our freakin cookie?!?

Peanut: Shut up dewd.

Vayderr: Good. When we catch up to them, blow them out of the sky.

Peanut: No problemo dewd.

Vayderr leaves.

Peanut: Hey, u guys want to play some chess later?

BurlyHoloChessGuy: You noob, we'd kick ur butt.

PointyHead: Yeah, and what kind of name is Peanut, anyhow? is that the size of-

Peanut PKs the holochess guys.

Peanut: Ha, I 0wned joo noobs.



Cut to the falcon

Leah65: Dewd, they're gonna catch us.

3peaoh: Hey, someone stole the holochess dewds, we got no hyperdrive!

Landus: We're all gonna DIE!!!

Suddenly the holochess guys respawn.

3peaoh: Dewds!!! let's go!

Burly: Dewd, no way, not til we get our cookie.

RRRtoo extends his attachment and shocks the holochess dudes, who immediately start to run. The hyperdrive fires up, and the Falcon streaks off into the distance.



Cut to Vayderr's ISD.

Peanut: Uh oh.



Cut to the Medical Frigate.

The medical droid is putting Lewkk's hand on.

Lewkk: Dewd, can't I gat like a claw or a hook or something kewl like that??

Leah65: We got enough pirates around here already dewd.

Landus comes over the comlink.

Landus: Dewd..we're ready to go.

Lewkk: Alright doodz. I'm gonna go finish the Jedi quests, then I'll mett u on Tattoine after I install the next expansion.

Leah65: What's the next one called anyhow?

Wacky: ROOAR

Lewkk: What kind of name is that? Oh well, all I can say is it better not have any more nerfs in it. C u guys l8tr.

Landus: Laterz dewd.

Lewkk, Leah65, 3peaoh and RRRtoo get up and watch the Falcon take off.

Lewkk: Sweet graphics dewd.

Leah65: Yeah dewd...wanna make out??

THE END

[Flameforge]

Dewd

Didn't we read some stories like this a loooong time ago in a forum not so far away?

How's your character going anyways, Bigs?

[BigSwede]

Oh, I'm having a ball!
I've joined a group of evil scum (RP-wise) who are acting as mercenaries. The idea is to act as a contractor in guildwars and as hitmen for contracts on people. I'm currently working on my skills regarding rifle and pistol. I'm also soon to be armor smith so I can start making armor for my group.
I travel a bit between the planets in search for good resources so I get to see alot of the countryside on the different planets. I must say that the difference between planets is quite remarkable. Tatooine for example is a hot, dry sunny planet. Rori on the other hand where I have found rich resources is a foggy dark planet with both deep canyons and very high hills. Quite dangerous creatures there aswell. Naboo is beautiful with rolling hills and green plains with marvellous creatures. Corellia looks alot like earth in many ways, good combination of water and land. I havent been on Talus yet, but I hear it is one of the most dangerous places in the galaxy.

The other day I took a trip with a group of 10 people to Fort Tusken out on Tatooine. The trip alone took around 20 minutes with a few breaks where we were attacked by various creatures and mobs. When we arrived at the fort we decided to assault it through its cellar (or dungeon) instead of marching in through the main gate. We picked a bunch of tusken raiders outside at first, then worked our way in. Some where severely injured, and we had to retreat and set up camp for a while.
Second assault went better at first and we came quite a bit inside the dungeons. Sadly we were overwhelmed by their firepower and people were incapacitated. I was one of the few last people standing up but I could not make my way out. I was shot and dropped to the floor. Lying there, not able to move I saw the tusken raiders laugh at us, then they moved to everyone of us and slayed us one by one while cheering.

[Wirecutter]

hmmm 1 concern atleast.

Are there 65+ people called Leah, that must be hard to keep in tagged, let us just move into a bountyhunters brain on the next annual Leah convention.

BountyHunter32 moves into room and looks over the crowd of leah's and get's little confused and turns to his sidekick BountyHunter78 and asks. "Heyyy dewd wassit Leah 27 or 37 we should wack tonight?"

BountyHunter78 "sowwy dewd my brain is still fwied after we wacked the 135 lukes over in tha otha room"

BountHunter32 "Yeea e too that was fun, why don't we just go home and smoke a pipe"

"BountyHunter78 "But what about the job?"

BountyHunter32 "Ahhh just forget it there will be more Leah's to wack someother time, there always will be"



And this conludes the busy work of a SWG BountyHunter everyday life